Your Friends Are Clueless

Back when I was going through my divorce, I remember feeling so alone. No one quite got what I was going through. They couldn’t understand why I was so distraught. It was, after all, what I wanted. I was the one filing for divorce. So why was I such a complete and utter emotional wreck?

Divorce is a type of death. It’s the death of your marriage. The death of the dream you had when you were walking down that aisle. That “till death do us part” thing? Gone. One day watching your grandchildren frolic on your lawn while gazing reminiscently into each others’ eyes? Forget about it. You have to mourn the death of your marriage the same way you would mourn any other death. It takes 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But don’t expect your friends or family to understand this.

They also don’t understand the legal system. No one is going to believe you when you tell them you took a day off from work to go to court just for your lawyer to conference with the judge for five minutes, then come out to tell you that nothing was resolved, but you have to come back again in six weeks. Oh, and that will be $600, please. They are going to tell you that you must be doing something wrong. You should probably get a new lawyer. Or, my all-time favorite, why don’t you just call the judge and explain that you can’t keep taking time off from work? 

You are now part of a club. Welcome! There are a lot of fabulous people out there (just like you), who have been through what you’re going through, and we are all here to support you. We get it. Keep looking for other women (and men) who have been divorced. You’ll be comforted by their knowing smiles. 

And you’ll know that you are not alone.


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